Along the Journey at Easter 2008
Bleakness and Blessings
Life without Jack is unimaginable. I miss his touch, his affirming smile, the warm laughter, our deep conversations, his warmth during the cold winter nights, his caution of my overenthusiastic projects, the light in his eyes in a passing look, his enduring care—and we all miss his hugs! The loss is so huge there isn’t an adequate analogy. There are still moments of numbness, and times of despairing guttural sobs. I am making it slowly through this journey, but there are still times when it is most difficult. I don’t mind living alone, but I miss Jack like crazy! I can finally cry and feel good about shedding tears. As public as I can be about so many things and as much as I need to verbalize thoughts and feelings, my grief has been very private. Thank you all for your loving care throughout this time. I have a year of letters and phone calls in my mind to send out. You have all been such a blessing to me and our family!
The Memorial services at Hendricks Avenue Baptist and at Second-Ponce de Leon were so very special and such a tribute to Jack. Thank you all for your generous participation, hard work and creative gifts in putting them together. The last Memorial service was in Singapore in January at the Thomson Road Baptist Church and I was overwhelmed with the beautiful service and the love and affection poured out on us. You are all such a special blessing! This was a turning point for me. You wonderful Singaporeans helped me come to terms with the fact that I could mourn and still go on and celebrate the good memories and find joy in life!
This is the time of year that Jack always sent out an Easter message. Although I cannot live up to his legacy, I want to share my thoughts this year. It is Good Friday and a time of bleakness when reflecting upon the agony of the death of our Lord. Through the years I have struggled with the unanswerable questions that we must face as we make the journey of the cross, but this year I am not at all concerned about the unanswerable questions. I am completely at peace concerning life after death and the hope and promise that our Lord has given us. In my life Easter is not only coming, it has come!!! Resurrection and New Life are all around us!
As bleak as life can be in loss, there have and continue to be many, many blessings:
Happy memories continue to be a treasure, yet living in the moment and observing God at work is bringing joy. Our family is doing well and is surrounded by loving, nuturing friends and extended family. Nature unfolds joy every day with the sunrise, the sunset, or an unexpected spring snow, a crashing thunderstorm bringing needed rain, a crisp new moon, beautiful flowers and new growth emerging on trees and bushes like an impressionistic painting. There is a resurrection of hope in our world with precious young children, emerging idealistic young adults who envision a world of justice and care for all, and there is a dawning of new mission in churches as we are all called to be the presence of Christ.
I am constantly encouraged by the aha moments of life: a breakthrough in teamwork, the paragraph in a book that contains the thought that I was never capable of expressing, courageous artists who challenge the heart as well as the mind, the young, technically savvy, co-workers who see life in exciting, new ways and continue to patiently stretch me…I, too, am looking at life in a new way and although it is challenging, it is also very exciting. I am finding goodness and a tangible presence of God surrounding me.
Friends and trusting relationships is at the top of the list! Thank you all for hanging in with me and with our family during Jack’s illness and following. Your care has been sustaining and enriching. I continue to love working with the Cooperative Baptist Fellowship. It was Jack’s hope that I would continue and help to build the work that we both so fervently supported. My work is multi-faceted and will keep me challenged. You may write to me at this address: asnell@thefellowship.info
Love and Blessings to you all,
Anita
Friday, March 21, 2008
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