Along the Journey--note from Anita Easter 2008

Along the Journey at Easter 2008

Bleakness and Blessings

Life without Jack is unimaginable. I miss his touch, his affirming smile, the warm laughter, our deep conversations, his warmth during the cold winter nights, his caution of my overenthusiastic projects, the light in his eyes in a passing look, his enduring care—and we all miss his hugs! The loss is so huge there isn’t an adequate analogy. There are still moments of numbness, and times of despairing guttural sobs. I am making it slowly through this journey, but there are still times when it is most difficult. I don’t mind living alone, but I miss Jack like crazy! I can finally cry and feel good about shedding tears. As public as I can be about so many things and as much as I need to verbalize thoughts and feelings, my grief has been very private. Thank you all for your loving care throughout this time. I have a year of letters and phone calls in my mind to send out. You have all been such a blessing to me and our family!

The Memorial services at Hendricks Avenue Baptist and at Second-Ponce de Leon were so very special and such a tribute to Jack. Thank you all for your generous participation, hard work and creative gifts in putting them together. The last Memorial service was in Singapore in January at the Thomson Road Baptist Church and I was overwhelmed with the beautiful service and the love and affection poured out on us. You are all such a special blessing! This was a turning point for me. You wonderful Singaporeans helped me come to terms with the fact that I could mourn and still go on and celebrate the good memories and find joy in life!

This is the time of year that Jack always sent out an Easter message. Although I cannot live up to his legacy, I want to share my thoughts this year. It is Good Friday and a time of bleakness when reflecting upon the agony of the death of our Lord. Through the years I have struggled with the unanswerable questions that we must face as we make the journey of the cross, but this year I am not at all concerned about the unanswerable questions. I am completely at peace concerning life after death and the hope and promise that our Lord has given us. In my life Easter is not only coming, it has come!!! Resurrection and New Life are all around us!

As bleak as life can be in loss, there have and continue to be many, many blessings:

Happy memories continue to be a treasure, yet living in the moment and observing God at work is bringing joy. Our family is doing well and is surrounded by loving, nuturing friends and extended family. Nature unfolds joy every day with the sunrise, the sunset, or an unexpected spring snow, a crashing thunderstorm bringing needed rain, a crisp new moon, beautiful flowers and new growth emerging on trees and bushes like an impressionistic painting. There is a resurrection of hope in our world with precious young children, emerging idealistic young adults who envision a world of justice and care for all, and there is a dawning of new mission in churches as we are all called to be the presence of Christ.

I am constantly encouraged by the aha moments of life: a breakthrough in teamwork, the paragraph in a book that contains the thought that I was never capable of expressing, courageous artists who challenge the heart as well as the mind, the young, technically savvy, co-workers who see life in exciting, new ways and continue to patiently stretch me…I, too, am looking at life in a new way and although it is challenging, it is also very exciting. I am finding goodness and a tangible presence of God surrounding me.

Friends and trusting relationships is at the top of the list! Thank you all for hanging in with me and with our family during Jack’s illness and following. Your care has been sustaining and enriching. I continue to love working with the Cooperative Baptist Fellowship. It was Jack’s hope that I would continue and help to build the work that we both so fervently supported. My work is multi-faceted and will keep me challenged. You may write to me at this address: asnell@thefellowship.info

Love and Blessings to you all,
Anita

A CD Offer from Jack's Jacksonville Church

I received this kind offer from Julie Mason from Hendricks Avenue Baptist church and thought many of you would want to know. - Cindy

I wanted to let you know that we have a DVD available of Jack Snell's last sermon at HAB -- he preached it on Jan. 7 of this year, just a week before he was diagnosed with the cancer. It was an excellent sermon, and he looks good, he's in a robe, etc. I believe it was Epiphany.

If anyone wants a copy of it, we will be glad to provide it. They are $10 each, and that covers the cost of the DVD plus mailing, there is no profit in that figure!

Send an email to Vickie Landers, our church administrator at

financial@habchurch.com


Mark on your check "Snell sermon DVD." - JM

Jack passed away this morning

As Cindy stated below, we are sad to announce that Jack passed away at 5:30am. The entire Cooperative Baptist Fellowship family mourns the passing of Jack Snell while celebrating his life's work as a minister of the gospel of Jesus Christ. We are grateful for his faithful service, humble leadership and unparalleled commitment to being the presence of Christ. Information on services will be updated at www.thefellowship.info/Landing/JackSnell.icm.

Karyn

The sad news

I just received the call that Jack passed on this morning about 5:30.

As I receive more information, we'll make sure we post it, but as I understand it now, there will be a memorial service for Jack at Hendricks Avenue in Jacksonville this Saturday and another here in Atlanta the following Saturday at Second Ponce.

- Cindy

Sunday afternoon update from Anita

I just spoke with Anita on the phone. Her cell phone has been lost - probably wrapped up in some linens. If you need to talk with her, use Jack's cell # - 404-428-6165.

They have had a very difficult weekend. Jack continues to get weaker. They are trying to find the best medications to help with the nausea as well as the restlessness.

They all appreciate the prayers, but have requested no visitors.

We will keep you posted as there is more information.

Grace Powell Freeman

Jack admitted to hospice facility

I just talked with Anita awhile ago. Their family enjoyed a night of memories and laughter on Friday evening. Saturday morning, the hospice nurse recommended that Jack be hospitalized after his condition worsened. There is a problem with liver function so he was transferred to a hospice facility later on Saturday. Hospice can make him more comfortable there. Anita reports that his appearance is different but he's still the same Jack - wanting to be in charge of everything, knowing when it's time for his meds, etc. The family is together with Jack and are at peace knowing that their time together is growing shorter. They are comfortable and their needs are being met in the facility. While we were on the phone, the family was gathering for a meal. Anita assured me that they feel the love and support of CBF and all their friends and family. Cindy has been away on a retreat and has not been able to check email. I will continue to keep the blog updated.

Karyn Hurry

A word from Anita and a new Along the Journey from Jack

Jack has posted a new Along the Journey for us and Anita has these words of update:

As usual, Jack’s week has been a roller-coaster with good and bad days.

The more difficult times seem to be gaining ground as he continues to lose weight, grow weaker and experience a constant queasiness. A low-grade fever has indicated some infection and although it has been treated with antibiotics, it still lingers.

Through it all, Jack’s spirit has not diminished and he is still wanting to care for me and the world. He continues to walk in the morning, but now is using the selection of canes that he or friends have collected from over the world. He also has found many resting spots along his short journey to collect the morning paper. He is now unable to walk in the evening and is resting more frequently throughout the day and the long nights.

He and I both send our love and gratitude for your love and faithful prayer.

Anita and

Words from Jack

There continue to be signs that I am slipping in my battle with cancer. It is beginning to rob me of more and more of the normalcies and joys of life. But I refuse to let it take away the gifts that God has graciously bestowed on me. So, I look for joy in each new day, and I count it joy when I receive correspondence from you, reminding me of the value of friendship.


Our daughter and son-in-law have unexpectedly arrived for the weekend, and already I am filled with encouragement! Keep me in your thoughts and prayers. They’re the only thing sustaining me at the stage.


Here’s my latest installment of Along the Journey. It deals with God’s faithfulness, which will be a theme at my memorial service. “Great is Thy Faithfulness” will be sung at the service. But, as we await that, let me share a few words about God’s faithfulness.

-Jack

Talked to Jack

Jack gave me a call a little while ago, so I thought you'd like to hear the good word that I got to hear. (Hey, I should record him and do podcasts or audio downloads so you could hear how good he sounds! . . . hmmm. . . .!)

At any rate, he sounded very chipper! He's been being visited by a hospice nurse who is always amazed and encouraged by his continued resilience. He would like to come into the office a bit more than he's been able to, but it's rather an effort especially in this heat. He's still very much working from their home office, so sending him a note or a comment here is sure to be seen.

Jack said Anita's been delightfully diverted lately; Charley has been moving into a new place, so it gives her the artistic space to plan and decorate and paint. That, and everything that work with CBF entails (long calls to associates in China, meetings and planning sessions in the building, etc.) are very much a part of their lives right now. Anita's happily joining back in with the choir this week when they start back up.

So, as summer blazes on, so do the Snells! Below are Jack's own words in relation to his health and status - and he will work on another Along the Journey later this week or next. I'll post it as soon as it's done!

The hospice nurse visited yesterday and said my vitals are good. She said I am doing much better than any of her other patients. There are signs that I am slipping—loss of appetite, incipient queasiness which is on the verge of nausea, eroding strength and stamina, continued loss of weight, etc, etc. But I’m taking each day as it comes, grateful for the gift of life and excited about whatever future God has prepared for me. All this continues to weight heavily on Anita and our children. But they are responding in a marvelous way. Please keep them in your prayers. - Jack -

New update - and "Along the Journey" on prayer

This past week has been found me slipping some. I’ve had more “out-of-it” days than “with-it” days. The pain continues, for the most part, under control. But I have been “on the verge” of nausea. Please pray that this doesn’t return!

I’m continuing to do my work from home, but it is becoming more difficult to stay focused. However, the Ritalin is helping.


I’m continuing to have guests who are dropping by our house. While it is always a joy to see these dear friends, I’m becoming less and less able to be engaged.

Thanks for your love and concern. I’m energized by your prayers and your blessings.



Read Jack's most updated Along the Journey on prayer.

Update and a new "Along the Journey"

Update in Jack's own words:

I’m continuing to lose ground slowly in my battle. I’ve had to cut back on most of my activities — no driving, the distance of my morning and nightly walks has been cut in half, and my strength continues to erode, slowly but surely. But the pain is still under control, for the most part.

I’ve told you of the struggle to stay awake on the heavy doses of pain medications. A couple of days ago the Hospice doctor and nurse put me on Ridlin as an experiment to see if it would make more alert. I think I have noticed a change, but it just may be in my head! But I am hopeful that it will give me more clarity in my thinking and allow me to participate more completely in life.


I wish I could adequately express my appreciation to all of you for your responses on the blog, your email, cards, and prayers. These are what keep me going. It is humanly impossibly to write to each one of you, but I want to know that I read each one—several times—and they bolster my spirit.

I have worked with Anita and the children on my memorial services. One will be at Hendricks Avenue Baptist Church for those in the NE Florida area; and one in Atlanta for those in the Atlanta area (Second Ponce de Leon Baptist Church, Central Baptist Church Newnan, and the CBF Resource Center). Stay tuned for further details!

Thanks again for your love and prayers. Both are appreciated.


Click here to go to the newest entry on Along the Journey: Dealing with Anger.

Jack has popped into the office here and there throughout the week. Of course, we here in Atlanta are lucky we get to see his face and have a hug. Here's a virtual hug, in the form of an update, from the man himself:

These past weeks have had their measure of challenges and victories.

Since Hospice withdrew the various pain medications I was on, and placed me on Methadone only, the pain has been basically under control. I’m on a massive dosage and my ability to stay awake has been hampered, but most of the time I’m able to function rather well. In meetings, if someone will sit by me and keep me awake, I am able to give pretty sound input into the discussion! Of course, I’m pretty well bruised from Anita and Grace poking me!

I’m not sleeping as soundly as I would like at night, and for the first time in several weeks, I have to take an occasional medication for break-through pain. At times I wonder if I’m slipping to another level in my battle with cancer, but the Hospice nurse tells me that my vitals are strong and she thinks I am not in the final stage yet.


One major adjustment that I’ve had to make is not driving. I can now understand why old folk have such a hard time when their driving privileges are taken from them. It is a mark of the loss of independence. But with the large dosages of pain killers I’m taking, I would be a danger on the road—to self and others.


I’m enjoying visiting with family and friends, although it is taxing. My brother and sister and their spouses were here for the weekend. Anita’s family has also dropped by for a visit. Today, I have friends from Singapore, Thailand, and New York who are stopping by for brief visits. I’ve been reminded again how much family and friends mean to me!

- Jack

Read Jack's latest Along the Journey, posted today. Click here or go to http://alongthejourneywithjack.blogspot.com/.

Update from Jack

Monday, July 16, 2007

It’s been awhile since I gave you my personal update. Thanks to Cindy for keeping you updated during this time.


God has been good to me over the past few weeks. It was four weeks ago that I was admitted to the Hospice in-patient facility, terribly ill with pain and nausea. The Hospice doctor told Anita that in her opinion I had a week -a-half to two weeks of life left. She said that Anita should call the children. She did and Stephanie immediately caught a flight to Atlanta.

But I surprised them all. I had set as a goal attending the General Assembly in Washington and then getting away for a family vacation. Hospice was very supportive in helping me realize these goals, although I don’t think they thought they were realistic!


You know the rest of the story. With the help of numerous people, the use of a “scooter” to get from building to building, I participated in the commissioning service and several other meetings, and was able to greet hundreds of dear friends. Stephanie served as chief guard and nurse and I was able to participate rather fully in the Assembly.

And then, thanks to the generosity of a dear friend from Hendricks Avenue Baptist, we were flown in a private jet to Hilton Head Island where we enjoyed a family vacation in this family’s beach house. Stephanie and Charley were able to be with us during several days of our time there. What a joy!

Throughout this time, I was able to keep the pain under control and to find joy in each day. I am taking a massive dose of Methadone to control the pain. The result is that though the pain is being managed, my alertness level is severely limited. I’m able to stay awake only a few minutes, and then I fall asleep! But those who know me know that it’s not personal!

Each passing day is a reminder that my time is limited. I have always given thanks for each new day, but now that word of thanksgiving is wrought with greater significance. I invite you to join me in thanking God for each new day of existence.

Just a quick update - the family did make it to the beach, and are continuing to enjoy it.

Jack sounded good when I talked to him. He had been up a couple mornings to see the sunrise, is sleeping well, and is looking forward to the kids coming back in the next couple of days to join him and Anita at the beach.

Jack Is Back!

Jack and family made is safely back last weekend from Washington and the General Assembly he described as "everything I had hoped for."

He was able to go to meetings that were, as he said, beneficial for him as well as ones he hoped his presence would add value to for others. Those of you who were there saw him on the big screens, on the big stage, offering beautiful words and prayer for the newest batch of missions personnel during the commissioning ceremony. I'm sure you were as moved as I was, as he and Grace Powell Freeman led us all in a litany of prayer to send them on their mission.

No casualties resulted from his scooter-driving. It was greatly appreciated, as it allowed him to save his strength for things that were more important. His daughter Stephanie was by his side as an "excellent nurse and caretaker" to make sure he did not overdo it and that he had all he needed.

He got to see people he had hoped and longed to see, and was delighted by touching base with others he had not counted on seeing. That communion of saints was no doubt encouraging and hopeful for him, as he says, he had a "great experience" and is grateful for all the people who helped make it possible for him to make it there.

One of the precious memories that the Snells have is the family “beach week” vacation taken every year while the children were growing up. Thanks to the generosity of a dear family at Hendricks Avenue Baptist Church in Jacksonville (the same family, by the way, that enabled Stephanie and Charley to spend Christmas in Singapore each year while their parents were stationed there), they are planning on spending a few days at Hilton Head Island. They will be staying in the beach house of this gracious family. Join me in praying that Jack’s strength continues so that he’s able to enjoy this family tradition.

Please feel free to share your own prayers below, and words to Anita and Jack. As soon as I have any pictures of his from General Assembly, I'll either post them or provide a link to them on the CBF site.

- Cindy

General Assembly

Yay! Jack's made it safely and well, here to our nation's capitol.

He and Anita checked in a little while ago, and felt well enough to walk to dinner. He's bound to have to make up for all that effort tomorrow, with hopes of being in good condition to see all of you on Wednesday.

He's been given a scooter, so that he can conserve energy between the hotels and the confvention center. So if you see someone speeding along, my advice is to get out of the way. Anita has told him to think of it as his motorcycle, with just one extra wheel, I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad one. His practice session with Ged in the hall this evening almost wiped out a couple of librarians here for the librarian convention.

I asked him who he's especially looking forward to seeing, and once the list hit about 300 names, I steered him to another topic. He really does consider himself blessed to be a part of this family reunion and gathering of Baptists. He spent a good bit of time telling me all about the very first commissioning of field personnel, something that always means so much to him. I am so thrilled, as I know you are, that he gets to be here for this one.

He looks so forward every day to the emails you send him, to the comments posted in the blog, to the cards and letters he's received, getting back in touch with some of you after so long and hearing updates from so many of you whose lives have crossed his over the years. And is excited about getting to see you in person now.

Thank you for the prayers and the grace that's gotten us here thus far . . .

- Cindy

Jack is home

Just a quick update - Jack did make it home yesterday!
- Cindy

Father's Day Update

(Scroll down for Wednesday update, below.)

The past few days have been another roller coaster ride for us.

Last week was a good one with many more good days than bad. The new pain regime seemed to be working. Our children were with us for Father’s Day. We thoroughly enjoyed each other’s company as we reminisced, as we laughed and cried!

We were even able to attend church together for Father’s Day on Sunday.

We made dozens of pictures. . . What a good looking family!

Things started downhill Sunday afternoon and evening. The pain has intensified; the nausea began. By late Sunday night, both the pain and nausea were out of control. Nothing helped. The on-call doctor at Hospice directed our efforts through the night and sent a nurse out about 7 am. But still there was little relief. If felt I was at death’s door, so plans were made to check me into hospice’s inpatient facility.

We have been treated royally and the pain regime has been totally revamped. I’m finally feeling better and my vitals are stable. Whereas I was on several kinds of pain medication, Hospice has put me primarily Methadone. Adjusting this is a carefully timed process and that’s why were’ still here in the inpatient facility.

I hope to be home in another day or two, getting ready to celebrate General Assembly. Yes, I haven’t given up my plans to be in Washington next week for CBF’s annual gathering. I am scheduled to speak commissioning our new missionaries, and I genuinely look forward to that. In addition, if I’m able to attend, it will give me time to reach some closure with some folks whose lives have touched mine in significant ways. So please pray I’ll be up for the trip.

I’m attaching another version of Along the Journey, growing out of Father’s Day. Click here to read it.

- Jack
__________________
WEDNESDAY:
I just talked to Anita to see if Jack's made it home yet. They want to regulate the amounts of the methadone first, for 72 hours, before they'll cut him loose. They're thinking if it's regulated correctly, he may be released tomorrow.

Anita told me he's been eating some, and so anything he thinks he craves, they've been making for him. He's been hankering for things he had growing up - like hominy! Who craves hominy!? But she's been cooking for him anything he thinks he would like to have. She even had to go buy an ice tray so she could freeze Kool-Aid. (Not to editorialize, but I'm thinking that's not from his childhood, but from his kids'!) The kids are with him tonight and Anita too - I guess they can all enjoy hominy and frozen Kool-Aid together! Maybe our prayers should include not getting a tummy ache!

Thank you for your prayers and words of encouragement - the family was reading the comments on the website when I called.

On another note, I think Blogspot was having some issues yesterday and today, some of you couldn't access the site. And in fact, I couldn't access it from one of my computers either. Hopefully it's getting worked out - but please feel free to email me if you're getting the update notices but can't access the site itself. We may have to make a switch if this continues.

But, for now, I'll update this as soon as I know they've gotten the meds worked out. And we'll keep an eye on the working/not working of this site. Thanks for your input and always, for your prayers and words of encouragement. - Cindy

Home at last!!

We have just arrived home from a successful stay at St. Joseph’s Hospital. I’m feeling relatively well and the new pain regimen seems to be holding things in check thus far. We had a long meeting with the doctors this morning. The procedure that they used yesterday (once again to attempt to kill the nerves) seems to be working much better.

The Radiology and Anesthesiology (Pain Management) departments worked together creatively on my case. The doctor who was scheduled to do the procedure had heard of another procedure that is seldom used but offers much more accuracy and he wanted to try it. In fact, he doesn’t even do this procedure himself but got another doctor who had more experience to play the lead role. It looks like the first effort at killing the nerves many weeks ago was thwarted by some scar tissue and the alcohol never got to the proper place. By using the CT scan he was able to adjust the needles and got a good spread to the proper places so that it alleviates much of the pain in that area.


I am now officially entered into care with Hospice Atlanta and everything is in order. My care will be covered by Medicare Part A in which everyone over 65 is automatically enrolled. The home health nurse will come by this afternoon to assess any needs and will take over all pain management. It will be good to have only one team and it gives me great comfort because now, anytime day or night, I will have someone I can call if I get in trouble with pain or with other issues.


We were blessed throughout our stay by the excellent care at St. Joseph’s. I was even able to get some work done with their great wireless internet cafe.

It is good to be Home!



Thanks for your support and concern.

Good outcome!

Stephanie reports:

Hello from Stephanie -
I'm in the hospital with Dad right now, and am happy to report that his surgery today went very well. The doctors were able to use a better procedure than the last one used (the prior nerve block), and it looks as though this might provide some much needed relief.
They used a CT scan that gave them a much more accurate view and the doctors said that it was a great success. Also, we got some good news about Hospice and getting the services and people we will need, so we are happy about that. Charley, Mom, and I are all here with Dad and enjoying being together.

Thank you for your continued prayers and support!

When Grace left the hospital a little while ago, Charley, Stephanie and Anita were all there having supper with Jack - who actually had an appetite! Charley described him as "chipper." And says that, though he'll have some pain from the procedure that was just done, he was already feeling the good effects from the nerve block with relief from pain.